there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
