You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
