normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize