So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
