insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
