She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
