I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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