Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
