Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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