I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
