Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
