I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
