Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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