You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
