What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
