So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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