Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
