He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
