I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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