so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
