why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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