She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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