after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
