Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
