ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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