I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
a search helicopter?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
