and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
