You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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