you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
