i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
