Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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