Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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