Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
