My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
