I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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