like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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