How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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