Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
