i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
