dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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