i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
