Sponge bath it is.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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