why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
