just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
