well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
