you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
