Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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