my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
