found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
