I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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