the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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