just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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