I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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