so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
