Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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