You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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