I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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