Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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