My hand turned me down
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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