i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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