You work out of a Hotel?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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