You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
