there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
