Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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