Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
