Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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