what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
