she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
