I CAN MOONWALK!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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