All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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