Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
