Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
