Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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