I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
