i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
