Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
