I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
