are you so shy because you have an std?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
