Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
