it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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